Lol, which motherfucker is next on the list of powerful pieces of misogynist shit hidden in plain sight?
I’m elated to see these powerful motherfuckers fall, but something about that feels hollow. Yes, I’m a pop culture person as we were all groomed to be; I have a stake in the zeitgeist and how it will continue to shape the way we behave and act our parts in the nauseating tap dance of being a person.
I had some shit to say about stars and ones with large amounts of mass becoming black holes, but the comparison was cumbersome as fuck, and I kinda want to talk and think about real shit, and all the shit that be swirling in my consciousness.
I kind of wanted to write something funny or satirical, but I’m kind of feeling some of that weight that we (men) would normally to a smart lady to carry. Maybe I will later? I don’t know. Harvey Weinstein, the man who made Quentin Tarantino; Ben Affleck, Daredevil, Batman, the fuckin’ “Grade B, extra-dairy George Clooney ass nigga”; Roy Price, a dude who might as well be Darth Sidious, because I don’t really know his face; but I seen the shit he can do… these are just the niggas on my mind right now, but YOU KNOW there’s a fuckload of others…
The commonality with all of these motherfuckers is that:
- a) these are all powerful dudes
- b) they did their shit out in the open because of the kind of power they had
- c) all rewarded for their misogyny
- d) all probably espouse/perform some form of liberal ideology.
Now, I’m a self-described-mild-not-spicy-store-brand-ice-cream-apple-pie-on-a-Sunday-with-grandma,-Frank-Ocean-listening-ass-softass-nigga, but that last commonality burns a little blacker.
We’ve constructed an image of the bad guy, that is mostly conservative, mostly “unwoke”, mostly uncharismatic, mostly obvious. And I can tell you, when most men (and most soft ass betas like me) construct an image of an abuser or a misogynist, we will build you Trump or some conventionally unattractive hairy chested dude in a sleeveless undershirt holding a beer bottle hitting a white woman. We’ve got an easy to swallow tableau with our own picture of not only what an “ideal abuser” looks like, but also what a “textbook victim” should look like. Our social imaginations are just stuck in a 90s PSA. We don’t look at good guys like the Afflecks’ like pieces of shit until someone gives us evidence we can’t deny. Even then, there’s still debate about why or why not “it might have been okay.”
Fuck, remember that time Adrien Brody sexually harassed Halle fucking Berry on national television, and we turned it into a cute narrative that for the most part objectified Halle Berry, as if she were another little meaningless statue he had won.
But like…even this shit is shit that happens on TV. It happens, and then maybe we talk about it on Monday at lunch. There’s always real shit happening around us. In offices, our families, at school, with friends, in church, in our small, strange, and scrappy comedy / entertainment microverses. And usually when shit goes down, women are the ones of carry the burden of talking about this shit. And men, sometimes we participate — sometimes out of sheer desire to comfort/support our friends, or sometimes its because of optics*.
There are various levels, various contexts, various nuances of this type of shit that men need to start talking about. And not just the mansplain-y “this is what feminism is” shit that we did in college. We (specifically men) all need to do a better job:
- a) accepting responsibility for our part in unnatural corrosive masculinity. We’ve been part of the problem.
- We are part of the problem. This is not to say that we are all bad people, but I see so many dudes out there who like… seem to be very concerned with the optics. Instead of talking about why other guys suck, I’ll tell you straight up that I was this guy, and am trying to unlearn it. Speak to any woman I dated pre-2014 and ask her how many times I tried to mansplain feminism.
- I was never the kind of motherfucker who wore a “consent is sexy” shirt, but I was pretty much convinced that my words and performed politics absolved me from any responsibility I had in supporting a social realm that disregards and speaks over women.
- We’ve been conditioned a certain way, and not a single one of our minds is superhuman enough to reject all of the shit crapped into our brains.
- Corrosive masculinity is like a prison.. no…it’s like the human centipede. Sure, some people in the series have way worse shits, but it passes through all of us. If that’s like…a disgusting image, I’m sorry.
- b) do a better job rejecting/unlearning our programming.
- Around the time I started to reconcile my maleness, masculinity, and sexuality, I began to do a lot of reading. Got into a few arguments here and there.
- Started to realize that I will never unlearn everything.
- We’re not like iPhones or computers. The shit that slips and slides around in our heads sticks and so we have to run into our issues on a regular basis. We have to recognize the “wrong” in us so we don’t pass it forward.
- c) stop rewarding this kind of social toxicity with social currency at every level.
- Cause even if you perform your “wokebae ally” bullshit like motherfucking Daniel Day-Lewis, and the optics of your politics is akin to motherfucking Jesse Williams, it doesn’t mean shit if you mindlessly laugh at some shitty dudes jokes to maintain the “optics” of your sense of humor. This is probably a poor example, but there’s literally so many different versions of this scenario.
The Harvey Weinstein story is nice, but fuck if there ain’t shit that happens close to us.
*The Optics of Wokeness is something I really need to talk to someone about.