Oscar Predictions 2017, or What La La Land will win, or I Am The Saddest Man In The World, Please Kill Me, I’ve Lived Too Long Of A Life.

Best Picture should be Moonlight, but will probs be La La Land or Hacksaw Ridge. Best Director should be Barry Jenkins, and this one might be the bone the Academy throws to the minorities.


Best Actress should be Natalie Portman, but God still hates me for bringing fire to the people so Emma Stone will likely win some shit. Best Supporting Actress is hard to call…I think Naomie Harris SHOULD win, but Viola Davis would be the one who WOULD win that. Who am I kidding? That’s all Michelle Williams. She was in a movie where white dudes express their feelings. (I should see this movie before I shit on it.)

Best Actor should be Denzel, because he’s my Danny Day Lewis pick of the year, but Casey Affleck will win because of course this motherfucker will be awarded. Andrew Garfield is also cute so I’m happy he got a nom. Ryan Gosling WILL NOT WIN THIS AWARD, is what I’m going to call. Alsoo annoyed my favorite white man, Jesse Plemons got no love. Best Supporting Actor should be like Mahershala Ali, DP, or JB, but will be Lucas Hedges. Michael Shannon is my pick for awesome actor who never wins an award ever. I want him to remain better that most actors but never taste the rainbow, b/c it will keep his art good. Even Rocky’s body became weak because he got too used to victory. Eye of the tiger, Mike. I hated Don’t Think Twice, and think it would have been cool to throw a bone at Keegan Michael Key. But it’s not his time yet. Yet.
I do not give a fuck about best animated feature, but my girlfriend really likes Moana, so Moana. Kubo looked good, but fuck everything, nothing matters, La La Land won best picture.
Best Original Screenplay should be The Lobster, and The Lobster should have been nominated for WAY MORE, because my boy Colin does some REALLY STELLAR AND COMPLEX COMEDY. But no one gives a flying fuck about great comedy, only drama that manipulates you and bullies you into empathy. So what ever.  Viggo was nominated, but that’s a comedy drama and a cop out. The Lobster is very very funny and original and it should have better competition….
Jackie, should actually  win best original screenplay for being the best and most complex film about grief this year, but FUCK IT, it wasn’t even nominated for being the lyrical masterpiece that it is, ON THE PAGE.
Haven’t seen 20th Century Women yet. So I may edit this.
But La La Land will win. The Academy can SMD.
Best Adapted Screenplay should be between Moonlight & Deadpool, but its an action comedy. Doesn’t matter that it is technically brilliant as a piece of genre film and as a movie that spoofs it’s genre. It is truly an effective action movie, but those are not the movies that speak to the Academy, so I’ll say, it should be Moonlight. Which really did a good job reinterpreting a play for film in a way that balanced the patient unfolding and vulnerability of stage with the boundaries of the new medium very well. It was wonderfully cinematic, but still has the urgency and immediacy of a play. I wasn’t surprised to later find out it was an adaptation. This is sort of where I thought the film Fences failed as an adaptation. Great movie, but it was structured around the performers and the words. Moonlight feels more etherial. It’s not about the actors or the words, but the world between them all. Zen as fuck. I think Moonlight will win this.
Best Original Song: My girlfriend likes Moana a lot, so whatever song was in Moana.
But here is the funny thing. “Another Day of Sun” was the best song and moment of La La Land. That song should be nominated, but instead two lazily droned funeral dirges: “Audition” and “City of Stars”. I almost fell asleep. in. the. movie. and. I. was. drinking. coffee.
Best Original Score: La La Land will win and I can accept this. It was a spectacular score.
Jackie’s should win though. The music just has this ghostly presence. Mica Levi is amazing, and should have won way back when for Under The Skin. I be listening to scores like that you motherfuckers. I know what I’m talking about. Mica Levi is the queen. The music from Jackie reminds me of the music from Camelot if it was melted, then frozen, placed in an ice chipper, mashed back up again. Mica Levi make music that makes feel like dreams. Jackie is very much an American nightmare. A distortion of something once bright and hopeful. Listen to it, even if you did not see Jackie, because it is the sound of the current climate. And movies and the various elements that make them, should reflect or reject the times. It is such an effective score in what is generally an angry movie.
But yeah, La La Land was cute and the Epilogue was nice.
Best Cinematography I loved the cinematography of Moonlight and La La Land equally. I guess I have to see the other two, so whatever. But this is a tough call for me. I think lighting wise La La Land wins, but Moonlight has a slight edge with the way the color composition shapes the different stages of Chiron’s life. Matter of fact, I’ve never seen a movie where skin as has looked an beautiful. The movie does not really say a lot about race, but SKIN is front and center in this film. You can’t not think about skin in this movie. You can feel the humidity just by looking. Also the film stock is different in each segment, which makes you feel the change in Chiron.
But the landscapes and the pretty outfits and the primary color visual salad. It is a cobb salad in movie form.
Best Make-Up and Hair Styling should be Suicide Squad and will be. lol. This shit is stupid, but the make-up was superior to most of the movies that used make-up. Love Star Trek, but Idris looked like Sweet from Buffy. Which is fine.
Hilarious that this movie could win.
Best Visual Effects should be A Monster Calls, but might be Jungle Book. Though I really like Doctor Strange’s cosmic shit, there just wasn’t enough of it. And Star Wars was pretty great, but that’s just Star Wars doing Star Wars.
I didn’t see Kubo, so I don’t care. I know a lot of work went into it. I should see it. But it’s mad white people doing the voices of non-white people so I feel all weird about it. Ugh. I’m an asshole.
Best Production Design lol nothing should win.
Best Sound Mixing La La Land sang live, whatever, so did Les Mis. A semi musical that you don’t want to look like shit should be sung live.
Rogue One should win. It wont.
Best Sound Editing. La La Land should win here. It will.

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