INT. – MICHAEL’S ROOM – Night
MICHAEL 2016 steps off a Time Bicycle and meets himself from exactly a year ago. MICHAEL 2015 prepares for a date to see Kumiko The Treasure Hunter.
Michael 2016: Hey man. I’m you.
Michael 2015: I know that. You’re wearing my shirt. What do you want from my life.
Michael 2016: You’re gonna wear that shirt to your date?
Michael 2015: Yeah, it’s a cool shirt. It’s got space in it and I want her to know that I’m into space.
Michael 2016: You are aware that that is the exact same shirt from your profile picture?
Michael 2015: Yeah? And?
Michael 2016: The exact. Same. Shirt. You even wore it on your second date dude. Come on.
Michael 2015: IT’S A COOL SHIRT.
Michael 2015 starts to iron his socks.
Michael 2016: You serious? Whatever man. BTW don’t get trip over ironing your socks, on April Fools’ you get ghosted.
Michael 2015: What’s ghosted?
Michael 2016: Riiiiiiiiiight, this is when you find out what that is. If you don’t experience this weird mild internet dating trauma, then you don’t get really sad. If you don’t get really sad, then you never take that meditative writing class and the free ‘intro to improv class.’ If you don’t take that improv class, then there’s a number of people you don’t meet (very significant people), a number of scripts you never start, a number of jobs you don’t apply for, a number of risks you don’t take, books you don’t buy, things you don’t learn, ideas you never have…If this stupid small thing doesn’t happen, you never learn in the long run that it doesn’t matter, which means you never build a time machine and return to this point and laugh at how dumb you are right now …wearing the shirt from your profile picture. Damn. Really should have thought about that. A lot of good things happened, because you learned the definition of a word that made you feel disposable. And now the entire universe could unravel because of a paradox… If you don’t wear the stupid shirt from your profile picture as a result of my being here…you will never end up here to tell yourself not to wear the shirt…Christ.
Michael 2015: Wait… You’re saying it doesn’t work out?
Michael 2016: Fuck, you a dense ass nigga.
Michael 2015: I dunno. Time travel is confusing.
Michael 2016: Didn’t you just finish that Stephen Hawking book?
Michael 2015: Yeah, well did you retain any of it?
Michael 2016: Good point. Good point, fam.
Michael 2015: I know that’s right.
Michael 2016: Well. Whatever man, I was really just tryina see if I could borrow some cash for the electric bill anyway, so live your life bro.
Michael 2015: Shit I don’t have it on me. Ask Michael 2003. That dude is so good at saving money.
Michael 2015 & 2016: No allowance.
Michael 2016: Right. I’ll ask him. But real talk bro–and I don’t wanna spoil anything–but you’re going to fuck up a few more times this year and what happens this week is nothing CLOSE to it. But when it does I want you to think about the your time as a finite thing. A thing you are not going to get more of. A thing that you spend. I want you to REALLY consider that idiom you take for granted. Do not cast time as money; see that time IS money. More important than money. When your money is gone, and every good “thing” in your life is gone, all you will have is time. The time that you have not spent yet. What will you do?
Michael 2015: Go back a year and ask myself for money? Did I somehow get more lofty?
Michael 2016: You meet people who enable you, sorry.
Michael 2015: Christ, man.
Michael 2016: I said sorry dude! Don’t be a dick! I’m tryina…I dunno… impart some wisdom!
Michael 2015: YOU’RE ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN ME.
Michael 2016: Even so.
Michael 2015: Dude, I need to get out of here. You got something you wanna say? I’m really tryina be on time for this movie.
Michael 2016: Oh, you’re gonna be late. You miss the movie.
Michael 2015: WHAT. WHY.
Michael 2016: Sorry fam, you don’t see a movie at IFC until this summer. Alone. This is around the time that becomes a concrete *~habit~* for you.
Michael 2015: I NEED TO LEAVE.
Michael 2016: I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!
Michael 2015: WHAT!
Michael 2016: I liked being you–
Michael 2015: Oh, are we doing a Doctor Who thing?
Michael 2016: YES, KEEP UP WITH THE BIT, YOU ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Michael 2015: THE BIT ISN’T FUNNY.
Michael 2016: YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SPOIL SOMETHING!
Michael 2015: YOU WOULDN’T!
Michael 2016: EDDIE THAWNE DIES. LUCIOUS GOES TO JAIL. THE WASP ISN’T IN THE MOVIE. AGE OF ULTRON ISN’T THAT GOOD. JAY GARRICK IS ZOOM. HANK HENSHAW IS MARTIAN MANHUNTER. BATMAN V. SUPERMAN IS AS BAD AS YOU THINK IT WILL BE–
Michael 2015: PLEASE. NO MORE.
Michael 2016: Good then…
Michael 2016 gets on his Time Bicycle.
Michael 2016: I just want you to know one thing…
Michael 2015: What? That there is a healthy way to cope with the banal aimlessness of my life right now? And the utter sense of defeat I feel interpersonally and creatively?
Michael 2016: No. No more lessons. I’m that kind of a man.
Michael 2015: What? What then for the love of god?
Michael 2016: Kylo Ren?
Michael 2015: The bad guy from the new Star Wars movie?
Michael 2016: Yeah, yeah. Him.
Michael 2015: What? WHAT?!
Michael 2016: He’s Han Solo’s son.
Michael 2016 rides his time bicycle away into 2020.
Michael 2015: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo…..