Life, Uncategorized

Trying Again, Again.

Hi boys and girls. Miss me?

No?

Yeah. Well. Fuck you too.

It has been awhile since I’ve written in a good goddamn. I hope that previous remark made some kind of sense. I’m getting my bearings again, so I would appreciate it if you cut me some goddamn slack. I hate making this all about me and my life rather than “my work” –whatever that is–but as a self-described “writer” living and cultivating perspective is my work. I wanted to make this year about me “making a name for myself as a writer” on other blogs and publications. I’ve done some stuff for LeakyNews and ThoughtCatalog, and earlier in the year I had been working on my novel so I decided to put this blog on the back burner till I developed a reputation.

Then life kept happening, as it usually does, and I put the writing on the back burner. Then work kept happening and happening, as it usually does, so I put life on the back burner. Then things became difficult between me and the old girl, so to my vexation, we called it. It was rough, I didn’t want it, but I knew what was happen so I rode the roller coaster of emotion to this point. Where I am now.

I took some days off that week and decided that this period right now will be the proverbial “bottom” and that I would live and learn down here until I’ve collected the tools to climb somewhere else. I’ve gotten more valuable work done in the time since then than I have the past two years. Yes, it too 5 seasons of Buffy and 2 of Angel for me to get up off my ass and work. Yes, it took hours of talking shit, being petty, and hating everyone at work. I won’t lie, I’ve drank gallons of alcohol and coffee to numb the feelings of worthlessness that inevitably come with a break up, being in your twenties, and not knowing what you are going to do with your life. This was my first real Big Sad since graduating college.

And then I remembered what Blade said in Blade III.

“Use it.”

So:

1. I started running.

2. I started(ish) cleaning more regularly.

3. I revamped my novel a few months back to be a graphic novel. I started outlining individual issues and working with my older brother on the characters and story arcs. I hope to have something in 2015.

4. I started(ish) working out.

5. I started(ish) hanging out.

6. I started(ish) dating about. It’s not something I’m crazy about, but it’s not as toxic as they make it sound, and it’s nice to meet different people, which is a thing I need to try out more.

7. I started reading my journals to strangers. I will be reading them at Mortified on July 22nd and possibly July 23rd.

8. I started (and finished) writing the first season of a cartoon project that I’m working on.

9. I started a lot of shit. I will keep starting a lot of shit. I will keep doing a lot of shit.

There’s so much I need to be doing to keep moving forward and I am determined to keep going. I am not fully “alive” yet, but I’m starting to feel the blood in my veins again. Feeling alive is better than feeling dead, right? So I guess that’s a win.

So my Rocky IV comeback montage is almost done and I’m starting to put those things that were on the back burner back on the front burner. (Front burner?) I had a good old writer-ly chat with Heather Sundell over at Terrible Twenties. I like her blog because it’s a general outline of what it’s like to exist in your 20s as a creative person. Check it out sometime. One of the things that she reiterated for me was to write everyday. I know that’s not brand spanking new advice, but it’s great to hear from a more established writer. Honestly, if you are a more established artist, that’s mandatory advice. We mainly talked about writing and developing a unique voice. We all know the subtext of the “developing your own voice” conversation. There’s lot’s of shit we have to deal with as humans, as writers, and as artists. Everyday we have something that doesn’t go according to plan, and we have to find a new way to hack it. I “like to write” so I guess hacking it is doing this shit everyday.

I will have more to talk about. Hopefully shit that is less selfhelpy.

 

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